Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
