im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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