I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
