Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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