i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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