My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
