D3 body, D1 cock
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
