I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did I show you my penis last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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