i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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