bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
