She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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