so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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