2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
