One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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