I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
