he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
