Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
FUCK WHALES
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
