you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
