Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
