I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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