i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
