I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
