sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
