So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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