May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
