I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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