South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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