he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
