I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
