a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
