I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
