history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
