That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
