dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
