so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
