Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
