Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
