so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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