Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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