I just threw up on my dentist
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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