dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
