Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
