he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
