i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
