Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
