In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
