If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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