508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We need to get me chipped asap
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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