I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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