I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
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Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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