How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
