Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
