wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
