i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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